Fill Up Your Own Cup First
A saying I absolutely love - fill up your own cup first. What comes to mind when you first hear it? Does anything around being “selfish” pop into your head?
Totally normal if it does, but that is exactly what the world has conditioned us to think.
Look after myself before helping others? Take some time to relax ALONE and ACTUALLY switch off? Carve out 30 mins to have a bath, read whatever I want and let the bubbles take me? I couldn’t possibly do that - I have too many other things to be getting on with. If that sounds familiar, I feel you, but is it really true?
YOU are your biggest priority, you deserve to relax, to feel good, to take a few breaths each day to just be. I know this is easier said than done, especially if you are a parent and have little ones to run around after, but that is also even more reason to fill up your own cup, and here's some reasons why:
You cannot give to others if you are depleted, tired af, drained or exhausted. You quite literally won’t have enough in the tank.
By prioritising your own self care, you are also sending the message to your kids and others around you that it's ok to not only allow yourself some time and space to just be (breathe), but that it's also ok to love yourself, and a fulfilling, happy and balanced life all begins with self love.
You will quite honestly just be a nicer person. Who wants to hang out with sad Sally or angry Andrea who’s agitated, and not able to be present in the convo because she’s so depleted and drained? Not me.
When your own cup is full, that is when you are also authentically open to receive from others in a healthy way. You won’t be relying on someone else to make you happy or to fill an internal void (that no one else can fill btw, so it's actually more selfish to expect them to). The other people in your life can then OVERFLOW your cup, because it's already full, and that's what I call living an abundant life. Overflow is the way to go.
You won’t stay in an out of date job, relationship, situationship, friendship, house, town etc if you’re filling up your own cup, because you won’t need to look for validation anywhere other than inside yourself.
You will be way more productive when your own cup is full, and much more equipped for the everyday demands of life, and the out of the blue shocker events too. Life is a rollercoaster, you just gotta ride it.
The way you fill up your cup is totally personal to you, we all find different things, rituals, movement and experiences rejuvenating and enjoyable in different ways so don’t worry about what anyone else is doing - just do what fills your own soul up.
Nourishing ourselves in the big 3 - mind, body and spirit is so so important. We can’t be full or overflowing if we neglect any one of these areas. It's not always possible for them to be in balance at all times, I get that, but making that balance a priority is what will change your life.
Some ways I fill up my own cup:
Nature - every damn day. I live in London, so that's not always easy but no matter what I do I make sure I touch a tree or hear some birds sing and if I’m really desperate I’ll hold the earth from my plant pots in my hand for a bit - lol, it's true. A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do, and this girl likes to stay grounded.
Eat nourishing healthy food. It's an absolute classic - but it really really works.
I will move my body in some way every day - even if that is just a quick stretch or a walk round the block.
Yoga - really helps me mentally and physically.
Carve out time to read some of whichever book I am currently reading - it soothes my soul
A bubble bath with lots of epsom salts to cleanse and refresh my body and aura
I say no thank you to events that I don’t want to attend (just because I don’t want to) or when my calendar is already looking a bit full
Deep and meaningful conversations and hang out with my friends
Make a gratitude list
Go wander around vintage shops
Do some colouring
Watch a show at the theatre
I’ll do some writing -it nourishes my spirit and gets my heart onto the page
Record a podcast episode
Dance around my kitchen every morning - like no one is watching (because they aren’t)
I’ll go up to the top of my block of flats and look at the London skyline
Hang out with my nephews
Meditate and connect to myself and my team of light
Let myself wake up naturally with no alarm
Have a day/night/whole weekend in to myself
Pull myself an oracle card spread
Have roses all around my home
Swim
Travel to new and return to loved places
Only say yes to work projects that light me up
Sleep
These are just some of my personal cup fillers and perhaps some ideas for you. It can be so hard to go against everything we’ve ever known, and especially if you identify as a woman or a caregiver, the world has sort of pushed us into the box of “overgiving” and thrown us out of the box of “receiving”. The feminine energetic state of receiving is where the magic happens. There is of course a time and place for the masculine energy too - I spent most of the last 10 years living in my masculine energy and its only since I have really done the work to step into my feminine and allow my cup to not only fill on its own, but to overflow, have I started to feel the best, happiest and most fulfilled I have ever felt.
And guess what else is great? When someone needs me, I can more often than not show up for them (if it feels right to me), because I make it a priority to fill up my own cup. When my cup isn’t totally full or overflowing, I make sure I honour myself and say no I can’t today, and work on filling it back up. A lifes work.
Self care is not selfish. Self love is not selfish. They are both absolutely necessary to live not only a fulfilling life, but a life of contribution and growth too.
By “doing you”, you’re actually doing the people in your life and the collective an absolute solid too. Lead by example. If I go on to have kids, I want them to know that it's ok to not slog their absolute guts out and be constantly striving for the next thing. I want them to know they are the most important person in their life, and that when they look out for themselves first, they are actually looking out for everyone else too.
I love looking after myself, and I know I will forever make it a priority, and I hope you can too - in whatever way works for you.
Pour in, fill up, and overflow.