Never Waste a Heartbreak
Waste not want not thoroughly applies here. I saw this statement written on a sign the other day as I was walking through Shoreditch and it was as though something (or someone) turned my head so I’d notice it. “Never Waste a Heartbreak” it said. I felt my eyes and lips break out into a little smile (a smize you may say) and it hit real deep, because, if there is something I can relate to REAL BIG, it's to never waste a heartbreak.
What does this even mean?
It means that a breakup; where the rug gets completely swooooshed out right from underneath your cute perfect butt, you can’t eat or sleep for days (weeks), you revel in those few tiny seconds when you wake up in the morning where you forget what's happened before it smashes you in the gut again, where you look in the mirror and don’t recognise the person staring back at you because well, you don’t know her anymore and you gotta rebuild her. Wow it's a lot isn’t it. Just writing that sentence brought the feels back again I must say. However, what I now know to be the absolute truth (if you allow it to be) is that:
It is the biggest chance to come alive again you might just ever have.
No beating around the bush here; the first few days/weeks and even months can be utter hell. Just getting through the day is enough, in fact, it's a huge accomplishment. Grief is about as complex as it gets, and when the person you’re grieving and missing with all your heart is still alive, well that adds another fun (not fun at all) layer to the mix.
I think about 4-6 weeks in, you have a choice to make. The pain is no doubt still very raw and don’t expect anyone that hasn’t been through it to understand that by the way - why would they? But yeh, it can last for months (sometimes years if you choose to let it), but at some point you realise you gotta accept that it's over, and the sooner you do this, the easier it will be to resume some sort of normal life. Well, a new normal.
A few wisdom whispers:
Protect your own energy and say no to things you don’t have the capacity for
Get rid of ALL photos, items, memories of any sort of theirs around the house - this can happen in stages but it’s only when they are all gone can you really move on
Unfollow/mute them on social media and their friends too (if their friends are also your friends, that’s your call)
Let the tears flow whenever the f they need to - they usually do come crashing
Feel it all - sit with it, process it however you need to. Write, scream, sob, swim, move your body, dance, do whatever allows you to move the emotion through your body and out into the ether - GET RID
Gratitude - look for the little joys in the day. Such as the sky is blue, someone smiled at me (even though I feel like a gremlin), I am alive and healthy (except for my broken heart ofc), but focus on the small but gorgeous little things - they’ll get you through
Eat whatever the f your body will allow you to eat
Sleep as and when you can
Ask for help when you need it
Hug yourself everyday damn day and remind yourself in the mirror how well you’re doing. Self love will get you through.
How do you know when you are at peace with it and have truly moved on?
Well, depending on the circumstances of the breakup this one may be harder for some than others. But, the people who were able to hurt you the most were the ones who you were able to love the most. For someone to have that much importance in your life is sacred, even when it ends. It is a gift to know someone who was able to truly affect you, even if it was very painful. You don’t come across these people by accident, they are your teachers, and catalysts to new beginnings. Even if your heartbreak wasn’t your fault, its still your problem and you get to choose what you do and how you heal in the aftermath. The people who have been through alot are the ones that are often wiser, kinder and happier overall. Seems weird I know, but, feeling the feels is everything. The relationship that caused you a heartbreak, also shows you a part of you that was unhealed, and in healing we realise our worth and so we choose more the next time.
Truly coming to peace with anything is being able to say “Thank you for the experience”, and to fully move on you must recognise the gift it has given you and how it made you better.
When you get to a place where you can think of the relationship as a beautiful chapter of your life, that was meant to happen, for the good and the bad, you know that you have healed. Send them love and light and wish them well, and lastly, say thank you for all the lessons. The good teaches you well, but the bad , well it teaches you even better. You’ll never be the same again.
And if you’re anything like me…
You’ll devour every luscious, inspiring, and insightful self development/healing/spiritual book under the sun (lol but true). You’ll put all the love you had for them into yourself, and you’ll let the big dark waves wash over you, knock you down, and then you’ll get back up. Eventually, you’ll get a spring back in your step much bigger than before, and your eyes and energy will lighten. Then, without even knowing you were doing it at the time, you’ll let the magic of the universe wrap you up in its big, warm and safe arms, piece your huge beautiful heart back together again one fragile but delicious piece at a time, and a few (9-12) months later you’ll look at that girl in the mirror and you’ll say to her - I love you so much, I am so incredibly proud of you, but mostly, thank GOODNESS you didn’t waste a heartbreak.